Music comes in: China Girl – David Bowie
Voice of a young girl: ”The Day I was born, I knew I was not wanted, and for the years to come, nobody cared.’
None of my families wanted me, in China, if you have a boy they called it receiving gold, a girl, mud. My mom thought I was bad luck and can not bring her good fortune and status, my grandma had no room for mud like me. Dad had a heart attack and mom left me in grandma’s and she kicked me out and took my food and drink away. I wandered street when I couldn’t even walk.
My parents sent me to be looked after by some people they hardly knew and everyday when my father left me, they tied me on the leg of the table and ate all the food my dad gave them. I was crying in desperation watching them eating the food that was mine right before my eyes and yet starved to death. They told my father I was a very bad girl, all I knew was to cry.
One day my dad came early and heard me screaming, he didn’t walk in the door and looked through the window, I was tied down and struggling, I was one year old.
Dad went angry and brought me back, since then I was on my own. I had a key tied on my neck and I either sat in silence or walk outside on my own, get beaten up and kicked by kids older than me. Scars, everywhere.
One day I walked into a paddle and fell, broke my knees, blood streaming down. All I had was tears, nothing else. Nobody was there to save me, I was standing there bleeding to death. Waiting… Then an old lady rushed out of her door and took me to her house and cleaned my wounds, since then she was my grandma, nobody else.
Everyday I had noodles with pickled vegetable but I was happy, for a while. Lady Lee told me she was a warrior in second world war, Chairman Mao’s army didn’t take women after a whole squad sank, so she went solo, with her horse, blade and gun. She said she was not scared, even death, death is better than slavery.
One day the old baby sitter found me in a local market and started bullying me, ‘all she knew is crying, stupid little bitch.’
‘Tell everyone why, tell everyone why you tie her to the table and ate all her food!’ Miss Lee shouted back, then she was gone. First time in my life, someone stood up for me.
Then we moved when I was 12, I was on my own again.
‘Coco, here is the broom, brush the floor, don’t just stand there you stupid lazy little bitch, nobody’s gonna marry you if you are this lazy.’ my uncle shouted at me and forced the broom into my hands.
‘But your son’s sitting there playing chess, isn’t he a stupid lazy hebitch? And why I want to marry a man so I can be a slave anyway?’ I said.
‘Coco, men are intelligent and will have important jobs, and women are born to clean the house, this is your destiny.’ my father stared at me deep into my eyes.
‘Bullshit, you know it’s not like this daddy, the world is not like this.’ I was very sad.
‘In China it is, we do what we always do. This is what it was like for thousands of years, do you want to be the fiend who breaks our tradition?’
‘Tradition? For thousands of years and not yet any improve? I’m not stupid dad and I’m nobody’s slave. If I clean the floor then those boys need to do it as well, if not then I’m out of here.’
‘Piss off you evil little bitch, we don’t want you anyway, you are a waste of our food.’ grandma shouted.
Tears streamed down my face.
My families told me I’m not smart enough to go to university so I didn’t even apply. If it is my destiny then why bother, why bother anything. Then I passed the university admission line, I was so angry I couldn’t go to university because there wasn’t an application.
I realized I was university material, what else my parents have been lying to me, if I was stupid then let me find out myself. Then I past Mensa test as well, followed by English language tests.
That’s it, I’m applying to university overseas, enough lies.
A big build black gangster sitting in a shelter in the middle of the town, ‘Look, who’s new in town?’
‘Who?’ Buddies follow.
‘A little China girl.’ looking with despite. ’China girl, welcome to England, hahahahaha.’ with aggression.
I carried on walking, looking down. ‘Is this the world where English roses from, I don’t know and I don’t feel like so. Who are these nasty people, are they gonna hurt me now.’
Music comes in – What It Feels Like For A Girl – Madonna
At school accommodation, ‘who’s that?’, door half opened.
‘We are the Mormons, can we teach you lessons about God?’ A big and a small missionary with American accent.
‘Sure, do come in.’, door opened.
‘Hello, What’s your name?’ The big one asked.
‘Coco.’ I replied.
‘What a lovely name! Do you have an English name?’ The small one asked.
‘No.’
‘Ok, would you like one? Many people have English names as well.’ They looked very friendly.
‘Sure.’
‘Hey, let me see, how about Sarah? It means princess. It fits you well!’ the big one said.
‘A Princess? Can I be a princess? Wow, I can be a princess!’
‘How about Christine, it means Jesus’ little flower.’ the little one suggested.
‘Yeah, I like that one as well. May Jesus always be with you, love you and protect you.’the big one said.
‘Jesus, somebody called Jesus loves me!’
‘He loves everybody.’ both replied.
‘Can this be real? Can someone loves everybody.’
‘Sure is. He even loves his enemies.’
‘Yes? Tell me more. Tell me all about it!’
‘My name is Christine, I’m with Jesus Christ!’
‘You paint wonderful paintings. Did you do all these, this princess Diana one?’ the small one asked.
‘Sure. I can draw since I can remember.’
‘Then can you draw me this?’ the big guy pulled out a postcard with a picture of Jesus holding a baby.
‘Normally only people who have connection with God can draw God and Jesus but you are part of him and he’s part of you now, so he will guide you and you’ll draw well.’ the big one smiled.
‘Sure will!’
The next visit, ‘wow, did you do this Christine, this is, amazing!’ the big one was well impressed.
‘Yes I did, and yes it is!’ I was very proud.
Summer holiday, on telephone ’mom, can I go home for holiday in the summer?’
‘No, don’t come back, we don’t have food to feed you.’
‘But I can work, I can feed myself.’
‘Are you joking, stupid people like you will never find a job in China. Your cousin can count money, he brings his father money, what can you do?’
‘I just want to help people, I want to study genetics so I can help people.’
‘Girls don’t study genetics, men are doctors, but girls shouldn’t know too much. Why you want to learn those disgusting sex science and you think you are not stupid? Helping people and volunteering for free?’
My heart was dying, sitting in a small cell with four walls, everyone else went home. I was alone, working like a slave again.
Every job I applied, people always laugh’ Coco, who the fuck is Coco? Can she even speak English?’
Bitches back stabbing me on daily basis ’she’s a hooker, yeah, I saw her…’
One day a girl came asked me if it was true, and I said ‘ if I’m a hooker and hang around in shit places, then how come she was always at the same place same time? What is she? Devoted hooker historian under cover? Standing next to hookers’ beds and taking notes when they are doing dirty deeds? Not freaky to you at all? Are you convinced by something not even logical?’
Music comes in: Stranger In Moscow – Michael Jackson
A man called Phil told me his parents kicked him out and he’s homeless so I let him live in my place. He told me he loved me and he asked me to marry him. Finally, someone loves me, was this true? I felt so lucky. Then I was pregnant and he told me he was happy we were going to have a family. He told me the only he’s not happy with is he didn’t have enough money so he needed to work hard for the baby so we can have a new place to move into. And he wanted the baby and me to be safe so I needed to stop working. Then I waited for him everyday when he went to work and then he told me the boss did not pay him and he didn’t have money to eat, then I gave him money everyday to buy everything he needed and money to pay the rent for the place and the new house. For months, he said he worked unpaid, but strangely still happily to go to work.
One day I went back to work, a college came up and said ‘Christine, where have you been? Phil told us you went back to China long time ago.’
‘I was just sitting at home because I was expecting a baby.’
‘A baby? Congratulations! Who’s the father?’
‘Why? Didn’t Phil tell you? He is the father.’
‘What? No, he told us he doesn’t know you, he knew you went back to China because he accidently saw you pulling your luggage in town and you told him you were going home. I thought it was wierd that if you didn’t know him then why you told him where you were going, so this is why, he sat you up.’
The night we came back from work, I asked him whether he was getting off the car to go home together and he kicked me off the car, ’she’s a crazy bitch, I don’t know what she’s talking about. Just drive.’
A day later in the evening, he broke in, throw the key in my face and screamed, ‘fuck off back to China forever and die, if I say the baby is not mine then it’s not mine! Nobody will believe a coloured bitch from the thrid world.’
I went up to his bike, ‘why you do this to me?’ He kicked me on my stomach and drove off. I fell on the ground, so cold.
Days later a doctor came and took me into a mental hospital and sectioned me, they started feeding me pills that abort babies.
One day the nurse came in, ‘Coco why you never cry, if this kind of thing happened to other girls they would have cried, the girl lives next to you cries everyday.’
‘I did, and you know what? Nobody heard me, nobody was there. I knew I was not wanted since I was born and no matter where I go, time remained still in my insignificant word.’ I closed my eyes.
A month later, there was a review on the mental unit and they discovered I was not insane, so they throw me out and my old landlord had already sold all my stuff and declaimed he doesn’t know me either.
Music comes in: Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word – Elton John
I was wandering in the street again, waiting to die in the cold winter. I gave birth to a little boy alone just after Christmas, nobody wanted us, everything was for British people only.
My parents told me I had to bring the baby back and give it to them and go away to work hard pretending the money’s from his white father.
This was how people repaid my kindness.
Music comes in: Another Day In Paradise – Phil Collins
Poem – Still I Rise – Maya Angelou
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Music comes in: Change – Sugababes
We went on Three Counties Radio Show with Stephen Rhodes and Phil spent 2 hours bullying me before the show and wouldn’t talk on live show, he said he was an innocent white British citizen and told everyone not to believe a coloured bitch from the third world, when Stephen asked him whether he will do a DNA test, he refused.
Then we went to see the MP Andrew Sealous, who took the case to the Parliament, and by the following month the law changed, fathers can not remove their own children from Britain anymore.
The day Obama became president of America, I cried.
My son is 3 years old now.
Philip Andrew Styles, refused to do a DNA test and never went to court till this day.
CSA is still after him as he never paid a penny child support, working without paying tax and nowhere to be found.
Who’s the bitch now?
